Why keeping an open line of communication is imperative
By now, almost everyone has been impacted in some way by addiction, whether firsthand or with a friend or loved one. With a nationwide opioid epidemic, no one is immune, not even our children. Let’s face it, no parent looks forward to having difficult conversations with their kids about things like drugs and alcohol. But it’s imperative to have honest conversations and keep an open line of communication with your kids. Creating a safe environment so they can come to you when faced with difficult situations can make a huge difference.
The hard part is knowing HOW to have these conversations. Hard conversations, with children.
As a professional in the substance use prevention field, a person in long term recovery from addiction, and a momma of two middle schoolers, I have found that there is no such thing as too soon to have these conversations. One of the most common questions I get asked is what to do when your child is experimenting with substances. Instead of waiting until there’s a fire, I suggest starting the conversations early and having them often. Normalizing these conversations help alleviate the stigma surrounding the topic and creates a safe environment for them to feel comfortable coming to you when they need advice.
Here are some things I have learned along the way.
1. Start conversations early
The earlier you begin talking to your child about drugs and alcohol, the better. The conversations should be age appropriate. Since I work in the field, my girls had many questions by the time they were around age 5 by simply observing. At that age, I began teaching them mindfulness techniques and how to identify and handle big emotions as a preventative measure, skills they could use their whole lives in lieu of wanting to numb big feelings later. By late elementary school, they knew what drugs and alcohol were, and that the disease of addiction ran in our family.
2. Set expectations and clear consequences
Clear and consistent rules about drugs and alcohol help children to understand the severity of the situation. Moreover, explain to them why these rules exist, and that you care about their well-being and want to keep them safe.
3. Avoid lectures
Noone likes to be lectured, and this is especially true of children and teens. Instead of lecturing, ask questions and aim for an open line of communication. Conversations about substance misuse aren’t a “one and done.” Keep the dialogue going.
4. Listen
Listen to your child’s thoughts on the subject. Give them the time and space without interrupting to express their thoughts, fears and concerns. Often, they just want to feel understood. We live in a world where information is at their fingertips with their devices, and they may know more than we think. Listening will help build trust with your child and make it more likely that they will come to you again when they have worries and concerns.
5. Lock up alcohol and prescription medications
The prevention organization I work with has a phrase, “Talk it Up, Lock it Up.” Not only does talking to your children help, but locking up any alcohol or prescription medications that are in your household is equally important. Get rid of any old or unused medications by disposing safely. Data shows that most youth obtain their alcohol and prescription drugs right from their own homes or friend’s homes.
6. Establish code words
Establish a family code word or phrase that your children can communicate with you if they feel like they are in an unsafe situation. This can be a way to communicate with you without having to explain to their friends on the spot and feel embarrassed or a need to explain. It can help them with a quick exit from a potentially dangerous situation.
Addressing the topic of substance misuse is a challenging yet important conversation that all families should have. Remember, there’s no one-size fits all or perfect way to have the conversation. Tailor the conversations to what fits your family. By starting conversations early, listening to your child and providing guidance when needed, you’re taking the proactive steps to keep your child safe and support them as they grow.
