Simple tips on how to help your child communicate big emotions
I’m a millennial mom raising two Gen Z kiddos. Growing up, no one used terms like mindfulness, emotional intelligence, mental health, etc. For the most part, it just wasn’t talked about. We treated our physical bodies when we got sick, but didn’t talk about our mental well-being or emotions much. I grew up in the “children are to be seen and not heard” era and “go to your room until you calm down” was a common way to cope. Over the years on my parenting journey, I have learned just how important helping your children develop emotional intelligence truly is. Teaching them starts with you, the parent, and how you model communication in your household. This may initially sound like a lot of work, but little changes go a long way.
Parenting is a big job, and sometimes requires support. Beyond Healthcare is there for parents who have children that are in need of additional mental health support. Regardless of your child’s needs, practicing and modeling emotional intelligence is a win for every family in Ohio!
Here are some simple ways to encourage your kids to practice emotional intelligence:
- Practice using “I statements.”
When we use “I statements” we practice communicating our emotions clearly instead of immediately placing blame on someone else. These statements are especially important when expressing big emotions, or in a situation with conflict. Trace the statement back to the emotion at hand and focus on what you are feeling. For example, instead of saying, “You always frustrate me when you ignore me,” try “I feel frustrated when ignored.” By promoting empathy and encouraging clear, consistent conversations, you can resolve conflicts quicker and model this for your children when they aren’t sure how to express what they are feeling.
2. Encourage Self-Reflection & Active Listening
Ask your kids how they feel. This teaches them to identify and put words to their emotions that they may not know how to express. I’ve found that by simply asking my daughter “How was your day?” after school opens the door for her to express herself. If your child is having a tough day, simply asking, “how are you feeling right now?” can open the door for you to help them identify and label emotions. Make time to communicate daily, and most importantly, listen to what they say without judgement or immediately interjecting. This will encourage them to come back to you when they do have a major issue.
3. Promote Empathy & Encourage Problem Solving
Simple reflective questions like, “How do you think your brother felt when that happened?” or “What do you think your friend was going through when they did that?” can help your kids put themselves in others’ shoes. Moreover, it can encourage them to work their way through problems independently when issues occur. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t come to a trusted adult for guidance with issues, but instead of immediately stepping in, help them break big problems down and use empathy to navigate scenarios.
4. Celebrate Wins!
As a mom, nothing makes me prouder than when my daughter comes home from school and tells me about a situation that she was able to navigate by using her emotional intelligence. Celebrating these wins encourages and re-enforces them to continue making healthy decisions. This can look as simple as, “I saw how calmly you handled that situation, great job!”
Small changes within your household can make great strides in teaching emotional intelligence. These changes have a profound impact on their overall mental health, problem-solving skills and resilience. Noone is perfect (I’ve been teaching these skills for years and still mess up some days.). But with empathy, consistency, and listening to your child, it will make a big difference in their ability to develop emotional intelligence.
