How navigating your inner child can help you heal
An inner child refers to the part of your sub-conscious that holds the memories, feelings and experiences of your own childhood. The uninhibited version of yourself before the world’s expectations got ahold of you. The playful, curious, emotional, vulnerable side. The side that saw the world through innocent eyes.
Terms like “inner child” and “inner family” can sound a bit ‘woo-woo’ at first. However, as a mom in recovery from mental health and substance use disorders, I am constantly seeking to understand more about myself. Recently, I started attending a support group that has helped me get to the root of why I coped the way I did later in life. Part of the work of this group requires getting in touch with my own inner child and learning the wounds that I experienced in childhood that made my inner child shut down and become reactive, taking on a fixed set of beliefs that I brought into adulthood.
What does an inner child wound look like?
Imagine being six years old. You spill a cup of fruit punch on the couch and your parents spank you and send you to your room. They tell you the couch is expensive, money doesn’t grow on trees, and it was a careless mistake. You may not be able to recall the whole memory, who was there, or what else happened that day, but you do remember the emotions you felt. The shame, the embarrassment, and the feeling of beating yourself up for the mistake. Situations such as this one happen multiple times in your childhood. You drag those feeling into your adult years and into your own parenting style later. This is just one example, and the examples can have varying degrees of severity. There may also be childhood abuse and trauma in your story that you internalized and carried with you into adulthood.
Where should I start?
- Listen to your inner voice. When you feel shame, frustration, or get upset, what is happening around you? Simply slowing down can help you trace the trigger back to a childhood wound.
- Start journaling. Writing these observations down can help you get these thoughts down in a constructive way. Moreover, simply getting tough thoughts out of your brain and onto paper can be healing.
- Meditate. Meditation can help you slow down enough to identify and sit with difficult emotions. Being present with your feelings is a great way to develop emotional regulation skills and manage stress. There are even guided meditations online that are dedicated to getting in touch with your inner child.
- Find a support group. For me this came in the form of others who are identifying their own childhood traumas and learning to become our own loving parents. Learning about our inner family dynamics is teaching us about the root of many of our adulthood experiences.
- Find a therapist who is familiar with inner child work. Not only can the therapist help you identify difficult emotions and traumas, but they can also help you navigate these situations and are trained to walk you through them.
- Remember how to play and be creative! One of the most sure-fire ways to reconnect with our inner child is learning to play and be creative again as adults. One of the best ways I have learned to do this is ask myself, “what would I do if I wasn’t afraid to fail?” For me, it’s writing again. This very article you are reading is one way I have learned to play and be creative again. What would you do?
Getting in touch with our inner child can be healing and exceptionally fulfilling.
While we may never be able to list all the things we internalized as children, the good news is we can help our inner child heal. Getting in touch with this side of you can help any unresolves trauma or un-met needs from that timeframe. It can help you understand your own emotional needs and better navigate relationships, especially parenting.
When we are able to address our own healing as parents, we are able to raise children who are more healthy and whole themselves. Regardless of the reasons you or your child are struggling right now, there is hope. Beyond Healthcare offers mental health support for children & families across Ohio.
